Monday, February 09, 2009

Good-bye to the birds

Yesterday was my last day working at the pet shop. I tried to play with the caiques before I left. I loved them, but I traumatized one of them when I had to clean their cage. I still could not regain her trust. It was sad to say good-bye to them.

It was stressful working there because the owner did not like to talk on the phone. I had to screen calls and make up excuses when she did not want to talk to people who called.

Worse, sometimes I had to parrot a conversation back and forth. And sometimes I had to make up stories to in-person visitors while the owner hid in the office.

Everyone there was always sick. I think it was stress or negativity that caused it because I never got sick once while I worked there. I felt like I didn't fit in because I didn't complain about stuff all the time. Maybe if I had I would have gotten sick, too.

Nobody liked me there. Nobody spoke to me. I didn't speak Spanish so I could not talk with the others there much. One day the others told the boss I stood around doing nothing so I felt I could not trust them. I had done a lot of things that day to get the store ready. Why they said that I did not understand. I think there was relief when I quit on both sides.

My last day was strange. At first the owner would not speak to me. She would ask someone else to go get her things, not me. Eventually she talked to me, but instead of treating me like crap like she normally did she was nicer to me. So the day ended on a somewhat positive note.

I kept all this inside the whole time I worked there. I never told anybody about how I felt.

I have a positive feeling that other money-making opportunities will come my way. At least I am hoping it'll all work out. I've been surprised at how well things have been working out so far. So why shouldn't it continue that way?

I think I've finally worked out a good answer for what to do next, the question I had been hoping my hike would answer. I'm going to keep taking classes at SBCC. Maybe I will work at Greeneridge listening to whales again to support myself next winter. Maybe I will get home from the PCT in time to take Fall classes. I don't know the details. But eventually I'll get another IT job. I like the IT field. It can be very fun. It pays well and I tend to get so sucked in to my work that I end up with a month's worth of vacation time saved up before I know it.

So I'll take my months when they accumulate and go hike medium-length long trails. A whole month on a trail will be a wonderful way to relive the thru-hike lifestyle from time-to-time. Meanwhile, I will have weekends and holidays to do overnights and shorter trips.

I want to make living in the wilderness more a part of my life. I've been sad that it hasn't been enough of my life since I got home from the PCT. My book on living my authentic life says I have to stand up for myself and say this is the way I want to live my life. I want to live my life in the wilderness as much as I can.

So if my trip this weekend into the backcountry is still on even if there's a chance of rain, and even if Tony doesn't want to go, I'm going. Even if I have to go out one night by myself. I'm going.

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