Everyone is insane. I want to be a hermit.

I'm starting to wonder if there are normal people in the world anymore. Like, can you get a job and work for and with normal people? Or is everyone insane, ruthless and crazy?

Questions and answers about hiking the PCT

I gave a slide show last night of pictures from my solo hike. At the end, I opened it up to questions. Here are a few:

Were you lonely? Yes. But my loneliness was a good kind. I was lonely for my family and for the things I do in the community. It wasn't the alienated loneliness you feel in civilization.

Were you afraid? No, not really. What scares me are mean bosses and not being able to survive in civilization.

Did you have food cravings? Not really. I craved food, period. I laid waste to all you can eat buffets and satisfied all cravings in town, so on the trail, I didn't crave any particular food.

What was the best part of the trail, the part you would recommend to someone? It depends on what you like. If you like forests, hike Oregon and Washington. Otherwise, California has a great diversity from desert to the High Sierra. The prettiest is the Marble Mountains in California and the North Cascades.

The most amazing thing is getting to see the progression through biological zones. You go from desert to alpine as you go up in altitude. But you do the same as you go up in latitude, and seeing that at such a slow pace is the most amazing thing. In California, it's forest at 8000 feet, sub-alpine at 10,000 feet, alpine at 12,000 feet. In Washington, it's forest at 5,000 feet, sub-alpine at 6000 feet and alpine at 7000 feet.

Hiking a long trail like this really shows you your connection to the Earth. You know on a deep level where water comes from and how important it is to your life. You feel the tension between modern, civilized convenience and its devastating effect on the environment, and the privilege of being in nature. It's eye-opening.

Since hiking the trail, I no longer aspire to the kind of financial or career success I grew up believing I should. At the same time, I struggle with feeling like a failure. I hope I can resolve this conflict.

Some boring news on a rainy Saturday

It has been raining this last week. It is raining right now. It is not real cold. Last weekend it was very cold. There was ice on the roof in the morning. There were a few sunny days last week in between storms and the surfers were very happy with the enormous waves from the storms.

I have been enjoying the rain. I rode my scooter a few times with my rain gear on. So-called rain gear. I learned why my thrift store rain pants had been sent to the thrift store in the first place. I was completely soaked by the time I got to work. Now they are back in the thrift store pile again.

I walked to work the last two mornings in the rain with my holey Golite umbrella. It still works. This morning I walked to coffee and then later downtown to the library in the rain. What I did was go jogging carrying my umbrella folded up, and when it started to rain, I switched to walking instead with my umbrella opened up.

I need to get more exercise. The weight I lost from hiking the PCT has come on rather rapidly and keeps coming. I'm outgrowing my clothes. I feel uncomfortable and jiggly. It is not good. I hope that running will help.

I hope that running will not only help my weight but maybe it can substitute for the loss of being a long distance hiker. Perhaps, if I can keep it up, I can gain/keep the physical feeling of strength and stamina that I had as a hiker, and maybe I can even find adventure in traveling long distances again, maybe even find community with other runners. It takes less time to go a long way while running than walking. Easier to fit it into a dreary city life.

Running

This weekend there was a marathon race in town. I did not see the race, but this morning I did see a video someone made while running the race. It looked like fun. People who run marathons look so healthy and happy.

While hiking the PCT, I would consider a 26 mile day to be a relatively easy day. A 28 mile day was about right. A 30 mile day was getting up there and more than that was too much. I can easily walk 26 miles. But I struggle to run even one mile.

When I returned from the PCT I hoped to change that. I hoped to run to stay in shape and maintain my weight loss. I hoped that in time I could work my way up to trail running and even ultrarunning. Sadly, I could barely run a mile and eventually I gave up. The weight returned and I don't even think about trying to run on trails anymore.

I would like to change that. I just need to get my butt out there and do it, I suppose.

It has been sinking in lately at some deep level, that without any plan to return to the PCT or to hike another long trail, that I'm not a long-distance hiker anymore. It had become such a big part of my identity and now it's gone.

For as much as I complained, I truly felt like I was being my essential self when I was out there. I loved the trail community. I loved living in the forest. I loved walking. There was something incredibly satisfying about being so physical each day and carrying all my belongings and having mastery over my gear and all my needs.

Without being on the trail, I'm no longer a member of the community of the trail. This saddens me. Next year when the hikers are out there, I'll just be another city person, and here in the city, I'm not a member of any community. My loneliness on the trail was pleasurable. The loneliness of the city is alienating.

There is something terribly not right about this. I don't know what to do about it. I must return to the trail someday. But what do I do in the meantime?

I might turn down my new job

I don't know what to think about this new job of mine. I'm supposed to be going in each morning and working in some sort of trial basis. If I like the job and they like me, then I stay.

I'm starting to think maybe I should turn down the job. I keep trying to go in to work and the guy there who has all the necessary things for me to start working never shows up. I leave messages asking people to let me know when is a good time to come in. I don't hear back.

So I'm thinking my next tactic will have to be to either tell them to get me all set up with a decent development environment and I'll just try to figure out things on my own without having that other guy be there, or else I will have to turn down the job.

I'm also starting to think maybe I should turn down the job because it seems almost too casual. It's shocking to think that maybe I'm a lot more hard-working and ambitious than I thought I was. I have no desire to rise in the ranks or claw my way to the top or scheme my way towards more money and power. I just want to work hard, be needed, have a chance to learn something new and have a little fun at the same time.

Raccoons ruined my garden

Well, my garden was gopher-proof but not raccoon-proof. The raccoons destroyed most of it. At least the lettuce and spinach survived.

We will have to build a little fence for it. Then start again.

I got a new job

I got a job. It is a part-time job doing web stuff for a catalog publisher.

One of the guys there said he looked me up on the web and read about all my hiking. Welcome back to the cubicle, he said.

I'm sad my whale job will be ending so soon. Last year we worked until April. This year they think we'll be finished sometime this month. All the whales must have swam far away from the recorders. There was little to listen to this year.

Even though having a seasonal job is stressful because it ends and then you have to find another way to make money, having a part-time job makes it harder to go on a multi-month hike because it isn't seasonal.

I will probably have to find another job after my whale job ends. Or else get more freelance work. The part-time job won't be enough by itself.

The good thing about my new job is I will get to do more programming than I did at my name-brand, high-powered, career-oriented job. I consider it being paid to learn. At my name-brand job, they paid me well but imprisoned me and turned my brain to mush copying and pasting text in files to the point I felt like I would never be able to get another decent job anywhere else. Better to stay learning new things so I can stay mobile and free.