Saturday, July 03, 2010
What do I do about my hair?
I don't know what to do about my hair. My hair is very long. I can almost tuck it into my pants.
My long hair clogs my tub. I have a little metal screen over the drain so that my hair doesn't cause huge plumbing problems, but the little metal screen clogs every time I take a shower so every shower I take I end up standing in a few inches of dirty water.
Long hairs collect all over the floor. Not just in the bathroom where I can sweep them into huge possum-sized blobs, but all over the house which is mostly carpeted. Every time I try to vacuum the floor (which admittedly is not very frequently), I break the vacuum cleaner. My hair jams the roller which seizes the belt and then it smells like it's burning up. If I don't stop the vacuum, the motor will burn up or it will burn up the carpet. So when I vacuum the house I have to use a shop vac.
Vacuuming with a shop vac is horrible. It's like scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush. I scrape the nozzle over the floor and vacuum a few inches at a time. It's backbreaking. My hair sometimes gets stuck in the vacuum. Not the hair on the floor but the hair on my head gets stuck in the crack where the nozzle pieces link together. This hurts. So I decided not to vacuum anymore. If The Man wants a clean floor (and apparently he doesn't) he can break the vacuum or his back. We really ought to have wood or tile floors anyway.
So in a fit of getting tired of living in a pig sty, I thought maybe I should vacuum and then get a hair cut. So I figured I better decide how to cut it.
I pulled out a pony tail holder and put it on loosely to get a sense of what I might look like with shorter hair. Since it has taken about a decade to grow it to this length, I'm a lot older than I was the last time my hair was short.
With ear-length hair I look fat and old. My hair is missing. All I have is a big ugly saggy face.
With a chin-length bob, I look like a middle-aged woman who works in an office. It was alarming.
I gradually let out the pony tail holder until I got to a length that didn't make me look like I was on the way to the office and ended up with hair a little longer than my clavicles. It looked better but it looked too artificial. I looked too perfect. Like being an image of a woman, like being in drag.
I let my hair all the way out and it cascaded down to my waste. I looked like my granola crunchy self again. I felt much better.
So I gave up on the idea of cutting my hair today and pulled out the shop vac, resigned to my fate.