Choosing to live

Here is a quote from the book I am reading:

We have to show up in life, and be on our own side. We have to be willing to say, "This is who I am," and then look for the support that follows.

In order to live your purpose, you must be able to say, "This is how I choose to live." Living purposefully comes from giving your word—to yourself—and keeping it. If you truly want to know your life's work, you will find your answer in that to which you commit your spirit. Only after you have kept your promises to yourself can you be effective in a larger sphere.

It also goes on to say:

Take a stand. You cannot be everything you might be if you are always keeping your options open.

I think I have an issue of keeping my options always open. I am always afraid to commit to anything. I feel like life is too short and there's so much to try out. I don't want to close any doors. But I guess I never quite go through any doors that way, either.

I'm also leery of taking a stand. I don't like criticism. I have a lot of beliefs that I would like to be able to say out loud with a big "This is who I am and how I live my life," but fear of criticism keeps me from taking a stand and being myself.

The book also talks about finding your life's purpose in the things that bring you passion. What would you do for free? What do you do and lose track of time doing? Obviously I will hike the PCT for free. Right now, long distance hiking, living in nature and simplicity is my passion. I don't think it's the destination, though. It's a journey to something else.

I need to complete the journey to find out what is at the end. Maybe all there is is closure.

I received some before and after pictures in my email today. Before the fire and after the fire pictures of our local backcountry. There are so many places locally I have not been. I could be long distance hiking my own backcountry. I don't need to go to Canada.

But something about the forest I left on the PCT calls me right now. I need to go back, then come home and find a way to make my own backcountry my home. That may mean finding a nice, boring full-time job that provides enough money to live and save money and allows me enough time off for backpacking. A job that allows me time to think and dream and be the idealist that I am without compromising my basic, low-key, low-stress self. I'm not sure what kind of job that is. But I think it's time to pursue a job that doesn't consume me and my mind or force me to pretend I'm something I'm not.