Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm lonely

I am lonely. I miss the culture of the trail. I also miss the culture of the workplace.

At one of my previous jobs I worked with a guy who was polar opposite from me on the political spectrum. But we got along really well. We talked shop all the time. He would teach me Java and I would teach him CSS. He'd call me over to the whiteboard to hash out some complicated program or schema he was working on. We had a great time inventing things and building them together. I miss that a lot.

I enjoy working for myself and my smattering of part-time jobs. But all these things are very solitary. I wear headphones working with the whale calls. I work alone most of the time at the pet store. The freelancing is mostly alone, and since I barely do much of it anyway, the rest of my time is spent alone trying to find work, writing, reading, practicing music and sometimes even hiking. I really wish that I had workplace friends. Without them I fear I'm lacking the keys to success.

I wonder if there is something I could join to give me workplace friends again. That would be great. We could go to the whiteboard and hash out plans. I could help them with CSS, HTML and JavaScript and they could help me with SQL queries and programming. We could learn and grow. Doing it all alone is difficult. Searching online for answers is not the same. I don't always know the questions. Having another person means learning to ask better questions.

I don't mind walking alone or working alone. Solitude is in my nature. But sharing camaraderie with others is where growth can happen and without it, I feel adrift and lonely.

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