Monday, June 23, 2008

June 20, below a junction with Taboose Pass trail

I got an early start and apologized for waking the family as I left by 6am. I struggled across the isthmus between the Rae Lakes over some slippery logs separating the two lakes at a small rushing stream. My legs were very sore and I felt I had little strength for Pinchot Pass, a 12,000+ foot pass which loomed ahead of me soon.

Along the way I passed the place where Treebeard had camped. How does he pass me every day like that?

I had fear and loathing in my heart as I neared the pass but I tried to console myself with information I had received from some John Muir Trail hikers that Pinchot Pass was relatively easy compared to the others.

And it was relatively easy. There was less snow and it wasn't quite as steep. But there still was enough snow that I spent considerable time searching cross-country for the trail and enough time feeling scared and sore and tired that I hated the pass with all my heart. I even hated the PCT. Why must it have such an aversion toward trees and flowers and meadows? It became clear to me that I had made a serious error in judgment. A crest trail afterall would naturally stay away from valleys. Duh. My life-long dream was just one big fantasy based not a bit on reality. I felt like an idiot.

I realized I was no longer enjoying myself. I thought about the dream I had had that night about my parrot, Fergie. I missed my birds. I missed Tony. I really wished I could talk to him. I felt so lonely. I was tired of feeling lonely and scared. I decided to camp near Taboose Pass trail and think about whether I should leave the trail and quit.

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