One day left

I have one day left at work and then I'm unemployed. Time to get in shape. I'm so flabby.

When I went to the doctor the other day they weighed me. I got on the scale and purposefully did not look. But the nurse read the number aloud anyway. I hope 6 weeks is enough time to get in shape for my hike.

I brought my shopping bag into work today to take home my books. I've carted around my Edward Tufte books to two jobs now. They make me look intelligent and they are beautiful books, but honestly, I have never read them.

As the Crow Flies

I found this cool blog. As the Crow Flies. Lots of tips on long-distance hiking and on having a long-distance hiker lifestyle. I admire this woman a great deal. I like her cabin.

I went to the doctor today. My last doctor before my unemployed life begins.

He froze off some pre-cancerous skin lesions. Ouch that hurts on my upper lip. Now it's getting all hard and stiff.

I also got a couple of travel prescriptions for in case I get an infection or something.

I've been corresponding with a friend who has hiked the PCT a few times. He's surprised I don't have more questions. Perhaps I'm under-estimating this, I don't know. But aside from a few questions, I'm not sure what else to ask. I learned a lot trekking in Nepal and from our shorter trips. It seems you just put what you need in a pack and away you go.

One thing I liked that the Crow flies lady wrote is that happiness is all about your present state of mind. She says, "Keep yourself happy, well fed, and hydrated and you will be fine." That's really all it takes in real life, too. It's not about money or possessions or elusive "security". A beautiful sunrise can bring happiness and if you feel happy, you are happy.

Only 3 more days of working after this one is over and I'm free.

Putting on the guilt

The Callings book says that when you finally decide to follow your dream all the demons of hell come out to meet you, to send you back to safety. "Bring it on," I thought in my head when I decided to do the PCT. I have some curiosity what the demons of hell are for me. Well, some things I've noticed:

Everybody is so nice to me at work. They really don't want me to go. It's so much easier to leave a job if I hate everybody. But everybody is so nice and they like me and hate to see me go. This is hard to deal with. I feel so guilty.

The mail now is full of 401K rollover forms and "don't let yourself go without health insurance" forms. How could I be throwing away a safe and secure future for unknown and danger? What if I get hurt? Like sitting in front of a computer for years and years can't hurt you? But I do fear the lack of money and the "what now" at the end of the big hike.

My birds. What about my poor birds?

Tony. What about my poor Tony? Will he be able to handle the birds on his own? Will everybody be sad without me?

Then there are the "signs." Like the air-conditioning that drove me to leave isn't as cold, and the web design email list I tried to unsubscribe to didn't unsubscribe me but somehow the PCT one did. What's up with that? Is that a sign I'm making a terrible mistake?

Ah well, if I don't follow my dream because of my fears then what will become of me? I'll become one of these people who start thoughts with "if only" and "what if I had" and who sit in rocking chairs at the old folks' home without stories of adventure to tell. Isn't that worse than a couple of pangs of guilt?