Another bounced paycheck. I went home after that. If I don't get paid I don't want to come in. I feel like I do a good job, try to do my best work, I'm reliable and come in on time and try to make a positive contribution. I put up with what can only be described as a hostile and intimidating work environment with off-color racist jokes that turn my stomach and fellow employees who seemed stunned by Stockholm Syndrome. I've put up with it in good humor and detachment and still tried to do my best even without clear requirements or communication. But the lack of a reliable paycheck makes me feel like I'm being used and stolen from so I said that's it for me, turned off my computer and went home.
They called me later and begged me to come back. I told them they don't do business with people who don't pay them why should I do business with them if they don't pay me. They said they would issue a new check and I could come get it, so I did.
When I got there, my boss basically said it was bad form for me to walk out of the office after learning my check bounced. As if it's not bad form to issue a bad check (it's actually illegal.) I told him that if this is a job, I should be paid and if not, it's volunteer work and I'm not interested volunteer work so I will come back when they can issue checks that don't bounce. He said I should have known that the company operates this way. Nobody drives a fancy car, it's a small company, that's just the way it is and I should be more understanding. I could be if I didn't know from the bookkeeper that the boss uses a personal ATM card on the account where payroll is deposited and that it's literally a race to the bank, a race against him going out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse on the payroll.
I feel done with the place. I don't want to go back. But I don't have another job lined up. I am not sure what I should do next. I've been interviewing for a month or so but haven't been offered a job yet. I am considering filling out an application for jobs in Stehekin. I'm considering housesitting at my mom's this summer. That wouldn't be paid work, but I could make it look like work. I'm thinking about how I could break into the glamorous world of barista-ing. I'm responding to dinky little craigslist computer gigs in the hope I can buy time and stay busy until something decent comes along. I'm a web programmer. It should not be this hard to find a decent job.
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's not me. I'm not the crazy one.
I went to the company holiday party for one of the companies that I work for last night. I have told The Man about the stressful working conditions there with some sense that maybe he thinks I am exaggerating.
I have had a long streak of bad luck when it comes to jobs. I'm sure that The Man has started to believe that I am the problem since almost everywhere I go there's someone that makes me miserable. I have wondered the same, too, at times. But I know that my current situation is not normal.
I sat at the long dinner table with the people who sit near me at the company. The first thing one of them said was, "I'm here so that I won't be a target Monday morning. I don't want to get yelled at." The guy sitting next to him said, "Yeah, me too." I couldn't believe they not only felt the same as me but they said so out loud without prompting from me. I poked The Man and said, "See, it's not me. Everyone feels this way."
Everyone does. The boss is a tyrant. It's very stressful. We cannot talk to each other even if we are ordered to do projects for one another. Any time any of us tries to talk to each other, the boss walks over, butts in to the conversation and changes the subject. I learned at the dinner that everyone there has a chat account somewhere and they IM each other in order to talk. I don't know why they never told me, but in as dire a situation as ours, it doesn't help to get paranoid.
Whenever the boss leaves the office to go to the post office, the office bursts into conversation. Not idle chit-chat, we actually have a chance to talk to each other and coordinate our efforts. When the boss takes a vacation the office becomes a happy place. People smile and enjoy themselves. I can't help but wonder what people don't do because of the boss' behavior. I know that I have to resist the urge to not try my best. It's tempting to do poor work, but that wouldn't benefit me in the long run.
This morning I walked in and felt tension in the air immediately. Instead of saying hello, the others already there whispered or mimed hello. Seemed that anyone who hadn't gone to the party last night was now a target. There was much yelling, but none directed to those of use who went to the party. I think I earned bonus points for drinking the groppo.
It's a horrible way to work. I am so sick of bad jobs I have very little desire to look for yet another one. The devil you know, thing. Or maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome. The good thing is I get to do interesting work in between being yelled at. It's the only thing keeping me coming back. But I really do need to leave for my sanity. It is bringing me down. I feel worse and worse every day. Nobody should have to live under such stress.
I have had a long streak of bad luck when it comes to jobs. I'm sure that The Man has started to believe that I am the problem since almost everywhere I go there's someone that makes me miserable. I have wondered the same, too, at times. But I know that my current situation is not normal.
I sat at the long dinner table with the people who sit near me at the company. The first thing one of them said was, "I'm here so that I won't be a target Monday morning. I don't want to get yelled at." The guy sitting next to him said, "Yeah, me too." I couldn't believe they not only felt the same as me but they said so out loud without prompting from me. I poked The Man and said, "See, it's not me. Everyone feels this way."
Everyone does. The boss is a tyrant. It's very stressful. We cannot talk to each other even if we are ordered to do projects for one another. Any time any of us tries to talk to each other, the boss walks over, butts in to the conversation and changes the subject. I learned at the dinner that everyone there has a chat account somewhere and they IM each other in order to talk. I don't know why they never told me, but in as dire a situation as ours, it doesn't help to get paranoid.
Whenever the boss leaves the office to go to the post office, the office bursts into conversation. Not idle chit-chat, we actually have a chance to talk to each other and coordinate our efforts. When the boss takes a vacation the office becomes a happy place. People smile and enjoy themselves. I can't help but wonder what people don't do because of the boss' behavior. I know that I have to resist the urge to not try my best. It's tempting to do poor work, but that wouldn't benefit me in the long run.
This morning I walked in and felt tension in the air immediately. Instead of saying hello, the others already there whispered or mimed hello. Seemed that anyone who hadn't gone to the party last night was now a target. There was much yelling, but none directed to those of use who went to the party. I think I earned bonus points for drinking the groppo.
It's a horrible way to work. I am so sick of bad jobs I have very little desire to look for yet another one. The devil you know, thing. Or maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome. The good thing is I get to do interesting work in between being yelled at. It's the only thing keeping me coming back. But I really do need to leave for my sanity. It is bringing me down. I feel worse and worse every day. Nobody should have to live under such stress.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Bounced paycheck again
This is the second paycheck to bounce. I am going to have to start cashing my checks like a poor person. I actually took my check to the bank it was drawn on and asked if there were sufficient funds to cash it and they said no.
I need a better job. This company I work for is a little off. All the jobs in my field listed in craigslist suck. I hope I can find a better job by taking a city college class. I wish I didn't have to play this stupid work game at all.
I need a better job. This company I work for is a little off. All the jobs in my field listed in craigslist suck. I hope I can find a better job by taking a city college class. I wish I didn't have to play this stupid work game at all.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Everyone is insane. I want to be a hermit.
I'm starting to wonder if there are normal people in the world anymore. Like, can you get a job and work for and with normal people? Or is everyone insane, ruthless and crazy?
Monday, December 07, 2009
I might turn down my new job
I don't know what to think about this new job of mine. I'm supposed to be going in each morning and working in some sort of trial basis. If I like the job and they like me, then I stay.
I'm starting to think maybe I should turn down the job. I keep trying to go in to work and the guy there who has all the necessary things for me to start working never shows up. I leave messages asking people to let me know when is a good time to come in. I don't hear back.
So I'm thinking my next tactic will have to be to either tell them to get me all set up with a decent development environment and I'll just try to figure out things on my own without having that other guy be there, or else I will have to turn down the job.
I'm also starting to think maybe I should turn down the job because it seems almost too casual. It's shocking to think that maybe I'm a lot more hard-working and ambitious than I thought I was. I have no desire to rise in the ranks or claw my way to the top or scheme my way towards more money and power. I just want to work hard, be needed, have a chance to learn something new and have a little fun at the same time.
I'm starting to think maybe I should turn down the job. I keep trying to go in to work and the guy there who has all the necessary things for me to start working never shows up. I leave messages asking people to let me know when is a good time to come in. I don't hear back.
So I'm thinking my next tactic will have to be to either tell them to get me all set up with a decent development environment and I'll just try to figure out things on my own without having that other guy be there, or else I will have to turn down the job.
I'm also starting to think maybe I should turn down the job because it seems almost too casual. It's shocking to think that maybe I'm a lot more hard-working and ambitious than I thought I was. I have no desire to rise in the ranks or claw my way to the top or scheme my way towards more money and power. I just want to work hard, be needed, have a chance to learn something new and have a little fun at the same time.
Friday, November 27, 2009
I'm going to need a new job soon
I'm going to need a new job soon. The trouble is, I don't know what kind of job to do and I don't know where to find a good job.
I read the ads on Craigslist and hardly ever do I see anything that I would really like to do. I wish I could meet someone who would know of a good, low-stress, decently-paying job who could put in a good word for me. It seems like the best jobs come word-of-mouth anyway.
The low-stress jobs that seem to suit me best usually involve some kind of domain of arcane knowledge that needs to be mastered. Lots of little details. A bit of creativity thrown in puts me in heaven. Add some repetitive, mindless work, either physical or not, and it adds up to the perfect job for me. Examples:
I was thinking about the plight of workers as we age after I spoke to my sister on the phone yesterday. She asked me how The Man was doing these days.
He goes through these phases where every day he trudges off to work certain they are going to fire him. He'll be working almost 24 hours a day and he'll be under a ton of stress and miserable and then something will go wrong and he'll feel full of dread that he'll be fired. Eventually whatever the issue is blows over and he's not fired and everything is fine again.
It's a terrible, stressful way to live and yet he feels stuck in it because he is over 50 and doesn't feel like there are any other options for him. He believes this is the last high-paying job he will ever have. Once this one tosses him out, it's all over. Wall-Mart or Home Depot will be the best he can ever hope for after this because the world has no use for men his age. And once that happens, he believes he will lose everything. His house, his retirement, the works. I hate watching him live in constant fear like this. It doesn't seem like the money is worth it.
I'm almost at that age of being considered worthless myself. Our world is set up so that you better do everything you can between the ages of 25 and 50 to make as much money as possible because it's downhill for most people after that. Maybe even before the age of 50.
During the years you are capable of working, this is what I think you should do:
I think I've kind of blown my good working years pretty much because of going on the hike. This gap in my employment may have shut me out. The gap may have advanced me 15-20 years to where I have to find jobs that old ladies in their 60s will do. What do they do anyway?
Anyway, with my good earning years possibly over, I feel like my fate is sealed. Poverty forever. Now I just have to figure out a way to manage within it. Unlike Tony, I don't worry so much about losing everything because I don't own anything. I just have to figure out how to survive with nothing. It seems there are ways to do it, and since I've lived on the trail, I think I can manage some of those ways if it comes to the point where Tony has lost it all, or kicks me out, whichever comes first
So, I'm looking for a low-stress job that can be part-time, temporary or full-time. Preferably above minimum wage. And I'm also looking for opportunities to meet other people who can lead me to such jobs.
I read the ads on Craigslist and hardly ever do I see anything that I would really like to do. I wish I could meet someone who would know of a good, low-stress, decently-paying job who could put in a good word for me. It seems like the best jobs come word-of-mouth anyway.
The low-stress jobs that seem to suit me best usually involve some kind of domain of arcane knowledge that needs to be mastered. Lots of little details. A bit of creativity thrown in puts me in heaven. Add some repetitive, mindless work, either physical or not, and it adds up to the perfect job for me. Examples:
- Flower shop. Lots of little details about every kind of flower. Lots of mindless work processing the flowers. Creativity arranging the flowers.
- Web production. Lots of little details about HTML, browser bugs, scripting languages. Lots of mindless work assembling web pages. Creativity writing good code.
- Mental Health. Lots of little details about medications, side effects, diagnoses. Lots of mindless work helping people clean their homes. Creativity solving problems, trying to help people.
- My whale job. Lots of little details about what sounds like a whale and what doesn't. Lots of mindless work locating whales. The only creativity is in looking at the pretty colors of the screens, but my mind is free to think about things.
I was thinking about the plight of workers as we age after I spoke to my sister on the phone yesterday. She asked me how The Man was doing these days.
He goes through these phases where every day he trudges off to work certain they are going to fire him. He'll be working almost 24 hours a day and he'll be under a ton of stress and miserable and then something will go wrong and he'll feel full of dread that he'll be fired. Eventually whatever the issue is blows over and he's not fired and everything is fine again.
It's a terrible, stressful way to live and yet he feels stuck in it because he is over 50 and doesn't feel like there are any other options for him. He believes this is the last high-paying job he will ever have. Once this one tosses him out, it's all over. Wall-Mart or Home Depot will be the best he can ever hope for after this because the world has no use for men his age. And once that happens, he believes he will lose everything. His house, his retirement, the works. I hate watching him live in constant fear like this. It doesn't seem like the money is worth it.
I'm almost at that age of being considered worthless myself. Our world is set up so that you better do everything you can between the ages of 25 and 50 to make as much money as possible because it's downhill for most people after that. Maybe even before the age of 50.
During the years you are capable of working, this is what I think you should do:
- Save all of the money that you can. Live super frugally.
- Don't buy lots of stuff except maybe for stuff that will last a long time and truly enhance your life. For me that might include things like a good musical instrument or a trusty bicycle pr even a pick-up or a van, but not include lots of electronic gadgets or a vehicle that you could not live in or use to haul stuff.
- Don't go out much, or if you do, do it cheaply.
- Don't put stuff on credit cards that don't exist long after you pay for them. That means meals out, fashionable clothing, entertainment. Only use credit cards for convenience and pay them off completely. If you have to use them to buy something you can't afford to pay off, whatever it is better be really good and long-lasting.
I think I've kind of blown my good working years pretty much because of going on the hike. This gap in my employment may have shut me out. The gap may have advanced me 15-20 years to where I have to find jobs that old ladies in their 60s will do. What do they do anyway?
Anyway, with my good earning years possibly over, I feel like my fate is sealed. Poverty forever. Now I just have to figure out a way to manage within it. Unlike Tony, I don't worry so much about losing everything because I don't own anything. I just have to figure out how to survive with nothing. It seems there are ways to do it, and since I've lived on the trail, I think I can manage some of those ways if it comes to the point where Tony has lost it all, or kicks me out, whichever comes first
So, I'm looking for a low-stress job that can be part-time, temporary or full-time. Preferably above minimum wage. And I'm also looking for opportunities to meet other people who can lead me to such jobs.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
My two classes
So I'm whiling away the months until my hike can begin again by taking classes at City College. I have a database class and a Unix class.
I know only a little about databases. Just whatever I've been able to figure out when asked to do something for a job. My class is exactly what I need. At the end of the class I'll know how to design a database and understand all the issues you have consider to design a database correctly. I'll know SQL.
The teacher is a hoot. He's funny and passionate about the subject. He reminds me of Karl Halbach, my geology teacher when I first started City College in the 80s. He was so passionate about geology that you couldn't help loving the subject. I ended up majoring in it.
My other class is just an introduction to Unix. We'll learn the utilities. That's perfect. I know only what I've been shown to get a job done and only what else I've figured out on my own. I know enough to be dangerous.
It's nice to be around people all excited about computer engineering and programming again. It reminds me why I enjoyed this field. I wish I was a computer programmer.
Maybe taking these classes is a good thing. Maybe I should take more time and do it. Get a solid education in programming.
How to make the money last so I can do it?
I know only a little about databases. Just whatever I've been able to figure out when asked to do something for a job. My class is exactly what I need. At the end of the class I'll know how to design a database and understand all the issues you have consider to design a database correctly. I'll know SQL.
The teacher is a hoot. He's funny and passionate about the subject. He reminds me of Karl Halbach, my geology teacher when I first started City College in the 80s. He was so passionate about geology that you couldn't help loving the subject. I ended up majoring in it.
My other class is just an introduction to Unix. We'll learn the utilities. That's perfect. I know only what I've been shown to get a job done and only what else I've figured out on my own. I know enough to be dangerous.
It's nice to be around people all excited about computer engineering and programming again. It reminds me why I enjoyed this field. I wish I was a computer programmer.
Maybe taking these classes is a good thing. Maybe I should take more time and do it. Get a solid education in programming.
How to make the money last so I can do it?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Locked out forever?
I've been feeling a lot of guilt and a sense of being a failure lately for dropping out of the high-powered life. I look at these professional women out there with their nice clothes and professional savvy and feel like I don't measure up. I play music (earned $11 the other night), analyze audio files, work in a pet shop and sell old bikes. Can't really flaunt that. I wonder if I've locked myself out of the work world forever.
On the other hand, I have secret feelings of relief and happiness. A low-powered life just feels more like I'm being true to myself. And many women leave work for a while to raise children so I ought not feel that I'm locked out of a career forever. I know that chasing a fancy career really is not for me anyway. The stress of a high-powered career feels to me like making a dying rather than making a living.
Still, society does not always agree with the kind of life I'm living and may punish me somehow.
There are some good classes in the City College schedule this semester. I should sign up and take them. Expand my database knowledge. Learn a little more programming. Make some connections so I can find work when my current well runs dry.
The other day, while doing my somewhat boring whale audio analyzing job, I felt very happy. It is boring but I really enjoy it. It does not take all day to do the job. I can come and go as I please. It pays somewhat decently and I'm surrounded by nice people. It's very low stress.
I sat next to someone who clearly did not like the job. He spent most of the hour that he was there coloring circles on a piece of paper and jiggling the work bench. When he wasn't doing that he was texting his friends on his phone. The phone buzzed every 30 seconds or so. It made me feel a little angry that he didn't appreciate the job. Then I just felt sorry for him.
On the other hand, I have secret feelings of relief and happiness. A low-powered life just feels more like I'm being true to myself. And many women leave work for a while to raise children so I ought not feel that I'm locked out of a career forever. I know that chasing a fancy career really is not for me anyway. The stress of a high-powered career feels to me like making a dying rather than making a living.
Still, society does not always agree with the kind of life I'm living and may punish me somehow.
There are some good classes in the City College schedule this semester. I should sign up and take them. Expand my database knowledge. Learn a little more programming. Make some connections so I can find work when my current well runs dry.
The other day, while doing my somewhat boring whale audio analyzing job, I felt very happy. It is boring but I really enjoy it. It does not take all day to do the job. I can come and go as I please. It pays somewhat decently and I'm surrounded by nice people. It's very low stress.
I sat next to someone who clearly did not like the job. He spent most of the hour that he was there coloring circles on a piece of paper and jiggling the work bench. When he wasn't doing that he was texting his friends on his phone. The phone buzzed every 30 seconds or so. It made me feel a little angry that he didn't appreciate the job. Then I just felt sorry for him.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Update on my PCT book
I have almost completed my book. I have created it and ordered the review copy. If all is well, I will approve my book and it will be available for purchase. It is actually already available for purchase, but I still have a chance to edit if I find any glaring errors. After editing it so many times on screen it will be nice to finally see it in print.
The last time I edited it I accidentally wiped out a day and a half worth of editing. Arrgh. I have read my story so many times now I can see what an irritating person I truly am. I hope people will enjoy my story anyway.
I will let you know when the book is approved and I will provide links to it. It is going to be $18.95, which I admit is expensive. They charge by the page so it is hard to get the price down. If that is too high, you can order a PDF download for $5.00. I actually make more money on the download so either way is fine by me.
The publisher is lulu.com. It is a print-on-demand publishing service that is rated very highly, does not cost a lot to use and allows you to self-publish a book that can be made available through Amazon and other online bookstores. Seems like a revolutionary way to do things to me.
It has been fun writing a book. I have enjoyed it enough I think I will write more books. I am even thinking maybe I should consider technical writing as a future career. I enjoy writing and I enjoy technology so it seems like a good fit. The hot topic in technical writing these days is XML and DITA and that sort of thing interests me as much as writing. I think I would be good at it, but so far I have no experience and have no idea where to begin or how to get started. I hope to find out. But I will keep working on my freelance web development, too. I don't see technical writing as that far off from web development. It's all information architecture and technology. Writing is just more wordy and uses different software.
Meanwhile, I have finally started my job as an acoustical analyst. I'm looking for the sound of whales in the ocean. Seems interesting and boring at the same time, but the people there are very nice. I really think with quitting my job, hiking and now working part-time, unrelated jobs I might have screwed up my employability. At least with big companies. At least temporarily. So far, I do not care that much. I think I was kind of done with big company web dev anyway. You get stuck with whatever out-dated technology they use. C'mon! Font tags? You know who you are. Font tags were so 1997. So out-dated I can't impress anyone with that whole year and two months worth of effort. Nobody can grow a web dev career with font tags.
Anyway, I hope someday I will make enough money to live on again. But so far life is interesting.
The last time I edited it I accidentally wiped out a day and a half worth of editing. Arrgh. I have read my story so many times now I can see what an irritating person I truly am. I hope people will enjoy my story anyway.
I will let you know when the book is approved and I will provide links to it. It is going to be $18.95, which I admit is expensive. They charge by the page so it is hard to get the price down. If that is too high, you can order a PDF download for $5.00. I actually make more money on the download so either way is fine by me.
The publisher is lulu.com. It is a print-on-demand publishing service that is rated very highly, does not cost a lot to use and allows you to self-publish a book that can be made available through Amazon and other online bookstores. Seems like a revolutionary way to do things to me.
It has been fun writing a book. I have enjoyed it enough I think I will write more books. I am even thinking maybe I should consider technical writing as a future career. I enjoy writing and I enjoy technology so it seems like a good fit. The hot topic in technical writing these days is XML and DITA and that sort of thing interests me as much as writing. I think I would be good at it, but so far I have no experience and have no idea where to begin or how to get started. I hope to find out. But I will keep working on my freelance web development, too. I don't see technical writing as that far off from web development. It's all information architecture and technology. Writing is just more wordy and uses different software.
Meanwhile, I have finally started my job as an acoustical analyst. I'm looking for the sound of whales in the ocean. Seems interesting and boring at the same time, but the people there are very nice. I really think with quitting my job, hiking and now working part-time, unrelated jobs I might have screwed up my employability. At least with big companies. At least temporarily. So far, I do not care that much. I think I was kind of done with big company web dev anyway. You get stuck with whatever out-dated technology they use. C'mon! Font tags? You know who you are. Font tags were so 1997. So out-dated I can't impress anyone with that whole year and two months worth of effort. Nobody can grow a web dev career with font tags.
Anyway, I hope someday I will make enough money to live on again. But so far life is interesting.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Too many job opportunites right now
Here we are in a downturn in the economy and I find myself with too many job opportunities.
Just yesterday I was offered a job. I will go there today and begin. It's a very small job; just something to do until something more comes along. I will help out at the Menagerie, a store that sells birds and supplies for birds and has a noisy bird sanctuary in back.
Meanwhile, I've been involved in the interview process for a corporate gig doing web development. It will probably pay well and give me an opportunity to learn more new things in web development. Right now it is serving as a sort of incentive to see if I can get my own freelance business going. I would really rather freelance.
I am not finding a lot of work freelancing. I am thinking I need a new strategy for finding clients. Perhaps I could make a flyer and post it where potential customers like to go. I want to provide web dev to people with tiny businesses. Right now, I think people with home businesses or other small businesses probably never go anywhere but the grocery store. But maybe they visit art supply shops, too. After all, part of the reason for running your own very small business is having more time and balance in your life and being able to do things that matter to you.
Most people with very small businesses try to build web sites themselves or else they hire students. They end up with crappy web sites. I can make them better. Since the PCT taught me a lot about living simply, I don't feel compelled to charge a fortune. Just a reasonable rate that doesn't shortchange other web developers. Being quick, my rate is affordable because I can get a lot done in a short amount of time. And I don't know the meaning of the words "it can't be done" like inexperienced web developers.
I suppose I can still work on my own on the side if the corporate gig comes through. But I'd rather continue toward my own business.
Just yesterday I was offered a job. I will go there today and begin. It's a very small job; just something to do until something more comes along. I will help out at the Menagerie, a store that sells birds and supplies for birds and has a noisy bird sanctuary in back.
Meanwhile, I've been involved in the interview process for a corporate gig doing web development. It will probably pay well and give me an opportunity to learn more new things in web development. Right now it is serving as a sort of incentive to see if I can get my own freelance business going. I would really rather freelance.
I am not finding a lot of work freelancing. I am thinking I need a new strategy for finding clients. Perhaps I could make a flyer and post it where potential customers like to go. I want to provide web dev to people with tiny businesses. Right now, I think people with home businesses or other small businesses probably never go anywhere but the grocery store. But maybe they visit art supply shops, too. After all, part of the reason for running your own very small business is having more time and balance in your life and being able to do things that matter to you.
Most people with very small businesses try to build web sites themselves or else they hire students. They end up with crappy web sites. I can make them better. Since the PCT taught me a lot about living simply, I don't feel compelled to charge a fortune. Just a reasonable rate that doesn't shortchange other web developers. Being quick, my rate is affordable because I can get a lot done in a short amount of time. And I don't know the meaning of the words "it can't be done" like inexperienced web developers.
I suppose I can still work on my own on the side if the corporate gig comes through. But I'd rather continue toward my own business.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Powering forward on a new trail
I've been surprisingly excited about the idea of freelancing my web development skills all of a sudden. The excitement has had me back in my programmer's chair, slaving away at a new incarnation of my personal web site. I feel that I have a lot more ideas lately about how to sell myself as well as an answer to what exactly I have to sell. I wonder if that is a result of the experience of the trail.
I enjoy reading the PCT email list discussions. The list is starting to get 2009 hopefuls, writing in for advice about gear. It's fun to see how they usually start their emails off with "I'm hoping to maybe hike the PCT next year." That kind of hesitance rarely gets by the seasoned PCT hikers. They will tell them, "Stop hoping and just do it!".
Stop wondering what it would be like to work for yourself and just do it. That's what my mind has been saying lately. Living your dreams seems to be a universal lesson learned among PCT hikers. Just go to the terminus and start walking.
In order to support my dream, I've read several books on starting a small business. I've been toying with Wordpress again, investigating its content management abilities, and learning its templating features. I have a plan for a new blog, one that will not have a lot of articles, but the articles that it does have will be focused and purposeful, designed to market myself. I've been learning a little about copywriting, although I have almost no skills in it. I have seen some bad copy and know I could improve it with the limited, untrained skills I already do have. All of these things I'm doing to myself are things I will be able to do for others.
It is disconcerting to realize that I have not been employed since March. But I feel better about that because I am giving myself an education, checking out books at the library in order to learn what I need to learn to run my own business and improve my marketable skills. The small number of gigs I've already had have helped me move forward. No job has been too small. They have all helped me focus. I have learned what kind of people I enjoy working with, what kinds of things people need help with, how much valuable knowledge and skill I posess.
And in this crumbling economy, what other choice do I have anyway? Corporate gigs are becoming harder to find, and you know they aren't becoming more pleasant in this atmosphere.
I feel kind of like I've walked into Idyllwild. I've gone far enough to feel like I have a direction now and that I am really going somewhere. I fell off the edge after I got off the trail, and now I'm finally walking forward again. Power forward.
I enjoy reading the PCT email list discussions. The list is starting to get 2009 hopefuls, writing in for advice about gear. It's fun to see how they usually start their emails off with "I'm hoping to maybe hike the PCT next year." That kind of hesitance rarely gets by the seasoned PCT hikers. They will tell them, "Stop hoping and just do it!".
Stop wondering what it would be like to work for yourself and just do it. That's what my mind has been saying lately. Living your dreams seems to be a universal lesson learned among PCT hikers. Just go to the terminus and start walking.
In order to support my dream, I've read several books on starting a small business. I've been toying with Wordpress again, investigating its content management abilities, and learning its templating features. I have a plan for a new blog, one that will not have a lot of articles, but the articles that it does have will be focused and purposeful, designed to market myself. I've been learning a little about copywriting, although I have almost no skills in it. I have seen some bad copy and know I could improve it with the limited, untrained skills I already do have. All of these things I'm doing to myself are things I will be able to do for others.
It is disconcerting to realize that I have not been employed since March. But I feel better about that because I am giving myself an education, checking out books at the library in order to learn what I need to learn to run my own business and improve my marketable skills. The small number of gigs I've already had have helped me move forward. No job has been too small. They have all helped me focus. I have learned what kind of people I enjoy working with, what kinds of things people need help with, how much valuable knowledge and skill I posess.
And in this crumbling economy, what other choice do I have anyway? Corporate gigs are becoming harder to find, and you know they aren't becoming more pleasant in this atmosphere.
I feel kind of like I've walked into Idyllwild. I've gone far enough to feel like I have a direction now and that I am really going somewhere. I fell off the edge after I got off the trail, and now I'm finally walking forward again. Power forward.
Friday, September 26, 2008
What to do next isn't very glamorous
I am still not employed since my PCT hike. I have searched job listings each day and sent out resumes, but I have not had any luck yet.
I did get a lead on a temporary, part-time job listening to whales on audio tapes. I will probably end up doing that for a few months. I think this will be a good thing. What I ought to do is go back to school and take a few classes. I am lucky to have time and money to do this. I could improve and freshen my skills and have more options. All that time walking on the PCT wondering what I could do next and the answer ends up lacking any glamor or adventure. Well, maybe there will be some adventure. You never know.
It always seems like such a great idea to quit a job and be free. But after a while, I feel like I need something to do. It will be a long time before the next semester begins. I need to find more volunteer jobs. Perhaps I could volunteer with the election campaigns. I wonder if they can use people who do not make phone calls or solicit in any way.
Once the semester starts, I will probably take computer classes. I wish there was more I could do or something new. But I cannot think of anything that consumes me enough to get an advanced degree. I would like to learn more about plants and maybe work with them. Perhaps I will also take horticulture classes with the computer classes. Maybe I could combine the two. Too bad I missed this semester's classes. I could have taken a plant identification class. Perhaps with plant identification skills and database skills I could do something.
Meanwhile, my PCT book is coming along. I am cleaning up my writing and adding details that I never wrote down. Next week maybe I will have a chance to read a portion of it in my writing class and get some critiques. I think I am going to need an editor. There is a lady in the class who is willing to swap editing for web design. I feel like it has been so long since I did any web design that I can barely remember how to do it. I do remember some things because I decided to redesign one of my own web sites and was mystified by all the mistakes I had made. I suppose working so much, I did not have time to care about it and just threw it together. Still, it falls short of excellence.
I did get a lead on a temporary, part-time job listening to whales on audio tapes. I will probably end up doing that for a few months. I think this will be a good thing. What I ought to do is go back to school and take a few classes. I am lucky to have time and money to do this. I could improve and freshen my skills and have more options. All that time walking on the PCT wondering what I could do next and the answer ends up lacking any glamor or adventure. Well, maybe there will be some adventure. You never know.
It always seems like such a great idea to quit a job and be free. But after a while, I feel like I need something to do. It will be a long time before the next semester begins. I need to find more volunteer jobs. Perhaps I could volunteer with the election campaigns. I wonder if they can use people who do not make phone calls or solicit in any way.
Once the semester starts, I will probably take computer classes. I wish there was more I could do or something new. But I cannot think of anything that consumes me enough to get an advanced degree. I would like to learn more about plants and maybe work with them. Perhaps I will also take horticulture classes with the computer classes. Maybe I could combine the two. Too bad I missed this semester's classes. I could have taken a plant identification class. Perhaps with plant identification skills and database skills I could do something.
Meanwhile, my PCT book is coming along. I am cleaning up my writing and adding details that I never wrote down. Next week maybe I will have a chance to read a portion of it in my writing class and get some critiques. I think I am going to need an editor. There is a lady in the class who is willing to swap editing for web design. I feel like it has been so long since I did any web design that I can barely remember how to do it. I do remember some things because I decided to redesign one of my own web sites and was mystified by all the mistakes I had made. I suppose working so much, I did not have time to care about it and just threw it together. Still, it falls short of excellence.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Goals and life purpose
At my last job they always would tell us you can grow your career here. My boss was always asking me what are my goals, wouldn't I like to take his place someday, move up the career ladder. At another job I moved up based on notions of being a "natural leader". But careerism, moving up the ladder or ambition has never quite felt like my purpose in life. I've known this since as a child when I asked my father why you can't just get a job at some place and just do that. He freaked out by that question because you're supposed to have loftier goals.
That's not to say that I have no ambition, that I don't work hard and try to make a decent living. Learning new things is very important to me. Stagnation is bad for me. Boring repetitive work is a recipe for disaster for me. So I try to find work that is mentally challenging and that keeps me busy and let's me add value through my intelligence and creativity.
I always felt bad when my boss would ask me what my goals were and I didn't have an answer. That's why I decided to take the career class that I did. It turned out not to be a career class, however, even though it was in the careers section of the listing. This was a class on living an authentic life. And it's the reason I'm about to embark on the Pacific Crest Trail, a rather lofty goal of a different kind.
Through the class exercises and other things I've read, one thing that has been suggested is to get out a piece of paper or open a text file on your computer and just start writing everything that comes to mind in answer to the question "My purpose in life is..." After about 20 or 30 minutes you are supposed to find your answer, and the answer will be known to you because you'll have tears running down your face.
I had tears running down my face as I was writing my resignation letter because I knew I was following my purpose in life, which is to be out in nature, to love nature. I get tears running down my face thinking about walking in to Lone Pine as a thru-hiker. I get tears running down my face thinking about maybe some day having a thru-hiker haven of my own for everybody to stop at.
My mother bought me the book The Secret and we also watched the DVD of The Secret in class. It's a really annoying book and DVD. It's all about money. When I'm out hiking and seeing the beauty of nature, the smell of the chaparral, the flick of a bird through the brush, the powerful body of a snake, the cheerful wildflowers, I feel like the wealthiest woman in the world. Nature is my true wealth. I don't want money and power, I want pollen on my boots.
Part of The Secret is the Law of Attraction which basically means that if you want something and think about it you'll move toward it. Also if you don't want something and you think about it you'll move toward that, too. Right now my only want is to hike the PCT. I try to keep the fears of "What next?" out of my mind. I hope as I walk the trail I will be walking toward a new future for me and the answer to "What next?" will be revealed, even if only a little bit.
What that future is after the hike I do not know. Somehow I just know my hike will lead me to where I'm supposed to go next. My goals are still foggy but I know I'm on the path to my life's purpose. And foggy goals seems to be a trait of mine anyway so I'm OK with that. Just start the journey and the path will be revealed.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Last day
Today is my last day at work. So far it's a rather routine day. I even got a new project to work on.
I've been working on my good-bye letter. I didn't write a good-bye letter at my last job. I think people want one at this job so I'm writing one. I at least want to let people know how to reach me.
As I near the end and begin to ponder going without income for a while, it does get a little scary. But it's a necessary transition, I think. I feel my attitude toward work is changing and that this separation from the old way is part of the change.
I am starting to understand now that work is just one thing that you do in life and that it should be a facilitator of life, not an interference.
Work should also be interesting. If it no longer interests you, it's time to find something new.
Doing new things doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a creative and interesting one. There will never be one thing that holds your interest for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 40 years. So staying interested and passionate about what you do each day should involve changing what you do. Hiring passionate, interested and interesting people should be what hiring managers do. If not, then that's the wrong company to work for!
Work at a job is also a business relationship so there's no need to fill the experience with emotional baggage from when you were a kid. I signed an at-will contract and my will has run out. That does not make me a bad person. They're not going to yell at me and send me to my room.
They left me an invitation to call up and inquire about a job when I get back. I hope to go back to work when I return, but on my terms. I want to maintain my status as a temporal millionaire. It's possible I will "wise up" and go back to the grind. Perhaps I will do another 10 years of it to save up for the next big adventure. But in my heart and attitude I will not go back the same. I own my time on Earth now.
I've been working on my good-bye letter. I didn't write a good-bye letter at my last job. I think people want one at this job so I'm writing one. I at least want to let people know how to reach me.
As I near the end and begin to ponder going without income for a while, it does get a little scary. But it's a necessary transition, I think. I feel my attitude toward work is changing and that this separation from the old way is part of the change.
I am starting to understand now that work is just one thing that you do in life and that it should be a facilitator of life, not an interference.
Work should also be interesting. If it no longer interests you, it's time to find something new.
Doing new things doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a creative and interesting one. There will never be one thing that holds your interest for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 40 years. So staying interested and passionate about what you do each day should involve changing what you do. Hiring passionate, interested and interesting people should be what hiring managers do. If not, then that's the wrong company to work for!
Work at a job is also a business relationship so there's no need to fill the experience with emotional baggage from when you were a kid. I signed an at-will contract and my will has run out. That does not make me a bad person. They're not going to yell at me and send me to my room.
They left me an invitation to call up and inquire about a job when I get back. I hope to go back to work when I return, but on my terms. I want to maintain my status as a temporal millionaire. It's possible I will "wise up" and go back to the grind. Perhaps I will do another 10 years of it to save up for the next big adventure. But in my heart and attitude I will not go back the same. I own my time on Earth now.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Resolutions
I haven't posted in a while. I guess I had little to say. I was also on vacation. Vacation gives you time to think. So here are my resolutions for the New Year:
1) It may turn out that my career is just right for me. After all, we make an environmentally beneficial product and it's a good company. I just feel a little overwhelmed by spending so much time on the computer.
2) I'm going to purchase fewer new clothes, even fewer used clothes. I'm going to try to live more simply if I can. I already live pretty simply.
3) I haven't been backpacking in a long time. And with my favorite places closed and all burned up, this can be a little difficult. But the fact is that I have a chance to go backpacking every weekend so why not do it? I've still got good places I can go. I could go to Blue Canyon. I can go and get away from stressful things in my home life.
I just returned from a trip to New York. I have decided that I don't like the kind of travel that has you flying in planes and staying in hotels. It's just too stressful and too corporate. And too wasteful. Backpacking makes me feel alive and reminds me of the true meaning of being human. I need to do more of it. No need to go to the far reaches of the Earth to have an adventure. It's all right here in my beautiful backcountry.
- Do some career exploration
- Reduce consumption of material things
- Go backpacking more
1) It may turn out that my career is just right for me. After all, we make an environmentally beneficial product and it's a good company. I just feel a little overwhelmed by spending so much time on the computer.
2) I'm going to purchase fewer new clothes, even fewer used clothes. I'm going to try to live more simply if I can. I already live pretty simply.
3) I haven't been backpacking in a long time. And with my favorite places closed and all burned up, this can be a little difficult. But the fact is that I have a chance to go backpacking every weekend so why not do it? I've still got good places I can go. I could go to Blue Canyon. I can go and get away from stressful things in my home life.
I just returned from a trip to New York. I have decided that I don't like the kind of travel that has you flying in planes and staying in hotels. It's just too stressful and too corporate. And too wasteful. Backpacking makes me feel alive and reminds me of the true meaning of being human. I need to do more of it. No need to go to the far reaches of the Earth to have an adventure. It's all right here in my beautiful backcountry.
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